Springfield, U.S. — After a multi-year court battle, the city of Springfield is thrilled to celebrate its victorious opponents, the disabled activists who successfully compelled it to implement decades-old accessibility legislation.
City council member Leo Dedick said, “We could not be prouder of our disability activists. We applaud their important, necessary and long-overdue efforts.”
The city’s ADA coordinator, Jimmy Azhat, shared his takeaways from the costly and prolonged battle against the disabled: “Turns out there are ratios for physical accessibility, requirements for technology, processes for accommodations — I mean the list goes on and on. Consider my mind officially blown.”
Dedick said the city would host an event to commemorate the partnership with the disabled community and the city’s compulsory commitment to accessibility. He said, “We will use the settlement budget, first and foremost, to celebrate these hometown heroes. We will have a bounce house, food trucks, live music on the lawn, everything you need to celebrate these giants of the disabled community.”
The activists, however, were concerned nothing would change if they stopped doing all the work for free. Azhat was unfazed by their concerns and said, “We will create an oversight board composed of volunteer disabled activists to keep this gravy train going. Oh, and this gravy train has an accessible platform.”
Despite what can only be described as egregious and embarrassing ADA violations, Dedick viewed the public fight and ultimate loss in a positive light. He concluded, “It’s never too late to be forced to do the right thing.”