NORTH POLE — In a shocking expose that’s sure to shatter some childhood dreams, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer has come out swinging against the Claus Corporation, accusing the jolly old man and his family of exploiting his disability for decades.
In his explosive tell-all memoir, “Ho Ho Hold On,” Rudolph alleges that his iconic nasal disability wasn’t always a source of wonder and joy. Instead, he claims he was repeatedly denied reasonable accommodations by his employer up until that fateful fog storm in 1967.
“They saw a freak, a misfit,” Rudolph revealed in a tearful press conference. “Then, the storm happened, and suddenly, they saw dollar signs. ”
Rudolph claims that he was repeatedly bullied by the rest of the sled team, encouraged to work unhealthy hours and to persevere through dangerous conditions.
“It was pure exploitation,” Rudolph fumed. “Publicly, they milked my condition for all it was worth. When my disability proved profitable, suddenly I’m being positioned as a hero. But behind the scenes, there was no health insurance, no Christmas bonuses, just endless photo shoots and forced appearances at ‘Diversity & Inclusion’ summits.”
Disability activists around the world have rallied alongside the beloved reindeer. Activist Theodore Crumpet released a public statement in support of the novel this morning, stating:
“Corporations like Santa’s claim to be all about acceptance and inclusion. Meanwhile, these same companies have no problem exploiting their own staff, because they think disabled employees should just be grateful for the work.”
Despite cover-up attempts and public denial from both Mr. and Mrs. Claus, the damage has already been done. Rudolph’s memoir is already a bestseller with rave reviews claiming that “the only real classic story this Christmas is good old corporate exploitation.”