Staring at the steep incline down below with wonder, looking as though he is holding in a cathartic scream of joy to be released at just the right moment, local wheelchair user Frank Wickman had been waiting for a hill this steep for his entire goddamn life, sources confirmed today.
“Holy moley,” he said. “Look at it! Just look at it!”
His childhood friends concurred and were excited for him.
“I know he’s been waiting for a hill like this for a long time,” said Mike Kelly.
“The hill is honestly impressive, just perfect for yelling ‘Wheeeeeeee!’ That’s what I would do if I was in a wheelchair,” added Austin Hendrix. “But he’s never let me borrow it!”
The three friends then reminisced about all the times Wickman has wanted to go down a really big hill.
“These guys have known me since, like, first grade, and I’m always saying I wanna go down a giant hill.”
“Literally always. It’s a life goal!” said Kelly.
“I’ve gone down decently sized hills before, but I can already tell, they were nothing compared to this one,” said Wickman.
Wickman collected himself and started to make a speech to commemorate the moment: “Gentlemen, you have accepted me as an equal and loved me like a brother since we were children, and yet, you’ve never tried to minimize the fact that being in a wheelchair is a huge part of my life.”
He continued, “Every awful teacher, every ableist comment, every instance of my parents not getting it, you’ve been there for me. We’ve been through so much together. Today’s world sucks and is scary. But dudes, I swear to God, a hill like this almost makes all of the ableism worth it.”
Wickman then gave a forceful push and let out a loud, “Wheeeeeeee!”