ST. LOUIS, Mo – Internationally known alleged burglar and trespasser Santa Claus was seen having himself a merry little tantrum after finding a ticket and a boot on his famous red sleigh, just outside a Circle K.
“Ho Ho Ho – what’s this? Oh no!! I was only in for a minute, just a quick stop before flying home. Where else was I supposed to park?!? There weren’t any other spots open for dear old Santa and his eight antlered friends. Oh my, Mrs. Claus is not going to be happy with me…”
Mr. Claus’ sleigh and eight reindeer were illegally parked in an accessible space, just steps from the entrance, according to the convenience store owner. “I tried to warn him that he couldn’t park there, but he just laughed, said he wouldn’t be in here very long, and that only ‘naughty’ boys and girls would tell on him.”
This isn’t the first parking violation committed by the man known as ‘Saint Nicholas’, according to his Executive Assistant Elf, Frink.
“He’s gotten so many that he begged to ‘borrow’ my accessible parking placard, telling me that he only needs it for ‘just one night a year’. Yet I can’t even get him to think about installing an elevator or even lower the workplace sink for my fellow elves, because ‘being an elf isn’t a disability’, according to him. It’s just…so humiliating.”
Santa was last seen digging through his sack, trying to find something to take off the boot. “Can’t even just run in to get some milk and cookies and feed for the reindeer on the way home. ‘Oooh, Santa, that’s for disabled people! You can’t park there!’ They expect presents but won’t let a 1700-year-old Father Christmas park in their ‘special spots’. Did they ever consider that Rudolph is disabled? Shouldn’t HE count?!?”