Following 48 hours of intense preparation, 19-year-old Andi Hernandez was ready for the most strenuous task of her college career so far: partying. After shaving, medicating and walking six blocks in heels, she arrived at the party already exhausted but determined to have the time of her life.
Upon arrival, Hernandez found a crowd of people standing around looking at their phones. She pushed through to the kitchen, where her disappointment grew. “The snack and drink selection was so sad, it reminded me of the year I was on the FODMAPS elimination diet,” she said. Thankfully, she had pregamed with a hydration packet, a half gallon of water and a hearty, balanced meal.
Hernandez wasted about an hour engaging in boring small talk while struggling to stand in heels. Finally, someone started up a complicated drinking game. The sober Hernandez was surprisingly successful. “For once, I wasn’t the only person with bad balance and hand-eye coordination,” she said. “Everyone else was so drunk it leveled the playing field a bit.”
Once the game fizzled out, it was time to progress to the final boss: the dance floor. But Hernandez’s dreams of dancing and singing along to her favorite songs were shattered: The student DJ exclusively played jarring techno music. The disjointed beats reminded Hernandez of her most recent MRI scan, and the flashing lights immediately gave her a migraine. Still, she joined the crowd and jumped up and down until her legs gave out.
“I’ve invested too much time, effort and medication into this to not give it my all,” Hernandez said. “But I can’t believe I’m going to spend all weekend in bed recovering from THIS.”