Much to the chagrin of those leading the charge, a protest by the U.S. Men’s Wheelchair Basketball Team during the national anthem received no fanfare, pushback or attention of any kind.
The postgame interviews opened with the team captain chiding members of the media about their supposed solidarity with those who resist injustice and oppression, but he did not get the response he was hoping for.
“What do you mean, ‘What protest?’” said the star player, visibly agitated. “We clearly were not showing respect for the national anthem! [Former NFL quarterback Colin] Kaepernick’s message is still as relevant now as it was almost a decade ago.”
But aside from perhaps an annoyed look on Team USA members’ faces, their behavior during the national anthem was identical to that of their opponents.
“I don’t get it!” said the team’s coach. “I mean, yeah, they couldn’t kneel; they were sitting just like the other team. But clearly their attention was not on center court! They blatantly ignored the PA announcer’s instructions! I was very proud of my guys, to tell you the truth.”
“What are you talking about?” asked a puzzled Alison Wesing, who gave a beautiful rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” “Everyone seemed to be following the normal flow of events to me! Who did you say was trying to protest?”
Wesing then added that she would’ve appreciated the extra notoriety and attention, if only Team USA had been able to give her any.
Far too late to make an impact, the team captain had an epiphany, remarking, “Ah, shit. We should’ve started flopping on the floor!”