RACINE, Wis. — This week, a local autistic couple welcomed a lovely, bouncing baby Tylenol into the world, weighing in at 500 milligrams.
“They’re just so cute. Frank, come take a look at their little granules!” new mother Lacey Walsch said while holding her newborn.
Despite popular stereotypes, autistic couples not only can have children, but are fully capable of being warm and loving parents. The Walsch’s doctor explained, “From formulation development to granulation, tablet compression and coating, I’ve guided this beautiful family all along the way, and – with my support, of course – I fully expect them to be wonderful parents.”
Frank Walsch was just relieved delivery went so smoothly: “Before this moment, I had so many worries: Would our tablet have the right hardness or the optimal API dose? Should we get a microbial test? But when I saw Ty for the first time and read their imprint code, the worries just melted away.”
Of course, new parents can still face many concerns about the future of their child, especially if they’re thought of as a “tough pill to swallow.” But Lacey was unconcerned: “I don’t care if they’re an AM or PM, I’m just so happy they’re healthy. I wonder what they’ll grow up to be…Time release? Chewable? However Ty chooses to live their life, we’ll always be there to support them no matter what.”
Frank’s mother, Aspirina, echoed the new parents’ sentiments after gifting them a new blister pack and some gentle silica gel packets. “I’m used to all the rumors and hubbub; my parents were questioned too when I was born. But here I am, a new grandma! Don’t forget to use the blister pack, Frank, you don’t want Ty to start chipping,” she said.
When asked if they would be vaccinating their child, despite rumors that it could cause autism, the Walsches replied, “Of course we’re vaccinating; we’re autistic, not dumbasses.”