At a symposium that was the first of its kind, 200 autistic professionals, all elite in their respective fields of brain science, mental health and other social sciences, gathered yesterday to attempt to discover, once and for all, why people seem to be mad at them.
Educational Diagnostic Growth and Enrichment for Autistic Self-Subsistence (EDGE-ASS) and the Autistic National Advocacy League (ANAL) have been conducting their work separately for several years, but they both felt it was especially urgent that their two organizations meet together amid pressing concerns of further oppression and, like, generally uncomfortable vibes they can’t quite put their finger on.
“Do you know what I’m talking about?” asked Dr. Hector Navarro, a renowned cognitive behavioral psychologist. “Why does everyone seem to hate us right now?”
“Did we do something?” asked Dr. Kimberly Beeman, who holds a PhD in social work. “Something just seems off!”
Two hours prior to these expressions of anxiety, Dr. Henry Minnow, a neurologist, gave a presentation in which he stumbled through his hypothesis that the typical allistic brain may have recently become more hostile to the increasingly aware autistic subset of the population, but he did not even appear to convince himself.
“I’m the fucking Brain Guy and I can’t figure it out!” Dr. Minnow whined. “What the fuck?”
As the day wore on, various presenters in the so-called soft sciences shared stories of comparatively low-stakes encounters, such as one’s sibling talking in short, clipped utterances lately, one’s significant other taking longer than usual to text them back and one person’s service dog being kind of standoffish for no apparent reason.
However, Dr. Tyrone Hart, a prolific sociologist, shifted the vibes again when he reminded everybody in attendance that ANAL and EDGE-ASS must come together to help prevent a possible impending genocide.