In a move that promises to be both highly therapeutic and profoundly spaced out, the local Dissociation Support Group announced it will hold its monthly meeting this Thursday, with most members planning to attend — sort of. While no one is sure who will physically show up, the group remains optimistic about a strong spiritual turnout.
“We expect a great session,” said group leader Karen Greene, whose mind was reportedly last seen wandering down aisle 12 of a grocery store. “Even if folks don’t show up in person, their essence might hover in the general vicinity.”
The group, which caters to those whose bodies are engaged in the banalities of life while their minds remain adrift in the vast ether of indifference, recently cited a study indicating that 70% of people dissociate regularly — though the study itself admitted to “spacing out” around question three of the survey. “Yeah, I blacked out for a bit,” confessed one of the statisticians involved, who vaguely remembers something about a pie chart.
Group regular Kyle Johnson expressed tentative enthusiasm about the upcoming session. “I’ll be there … in theory,” he explained, eyes fixed on some indeterminate point in the distance. “My consciousness, on the other hand, may be orbiting Saturn. But I’m optimistic.”
While the group has made valiant attempts to remain cohesive, members occasionally find themselves attending meetings in spirit only, a phenomenon one member described as “being in the Zoom call of life without ever unmuting.” Organizers, however, remain unfazed. “We’re here to support whatever portion of you can make it,” Greene concluded before absentmindedly staring into the middle distance for an extended period.
The meeting is scheduled for 6 p.m., but considering time is a relative construct, attendees are encouraged to show up whenever they feel like they might possibly exist in corporeal form — if that happens at all.