I have been running an experiment on my allistic coworkers. I’ve been practicing my conversational neurotypical so that I can more easily pass as “Not A Threat™” at work. Frankly, I would rather remove my own teeth than hear about my boss’s children again, but unfortunately that is not an option.
Often, allistics tell you things that are completely unnecessary. Rarely, they provide actual information that I need. Sometimes, they just want to hear themselves talk. Mostly, they just need attention. They don’t want genuine responses, though, and they definitely don’t want silence.
Therefore, I memorized a few phrases to show that I have heard what they said, I appreciate how under-stimulated they are, and I am a Normal Person© who Definitely Cares®. I have gotten so good at reciting my lines that even I believe me, sometimes.
Unfortunately, there is a devastating consequence to being so good at neurotypical small talk – my coworkers think that I want to be friends, now.
Frankly, I have never been in this situation before, and I’m not sure what the appropriate response should be. Do I risk unmasking? Is it worth upsetting people if it stops the birthday invites? Do I just quit and start over? Clearly, I can’t continue with what I had been doing, lest risk an invitation to after-work drinks.
I did not think it would come to this. I have no exit plan other than to skip town and start over.
I can’t do that again.