CHICAGO — Sitting across a café table from Nora Egbert, 27, one thing is clear: She’s thicc. The coffee shop chair she sits in is completely full and can hardly hold it all. We don’t even know how she got it all in her jeans!
The local model lives with both IBS (all hot girls have IBS) and chronic migraines, but she doesn’t let it define her. “All my life, people have known me for my booty and never as that girl who sharted in a business meeting. My juicy cabussy is so distracting that I can get away with any embarrassing symptoms, and I let THAT define me.”
Her migraines are no match for her world-class tush. “Like, sometimes the pain is so bad that I can barely focus on what’s right in front of me. But thankfully, I can always remember what’s behind me.”
She wasn’t lying about the hypnotic effect of a round thing in your face, because we got sprung. There was more to this interview, but honestly we wanted to get with her and take her picture.
That is the truth, and we cannot lie.