SILENT OAKS, Neb. — Despite your pathetic attempts to engage them in pointless conversation at the bus stop this morning, autistic professional Janine Walker — who has never even met you before — had already decided to avoid speaking with you unless absolutely necessary.
Considering you look like the sort of loser to yammer on about irrelevant topics like the weather or if the city is going to fix a crack in the sidewalk, Walker chose to save their mental spoons and instead raise the volume on their noise-canceling headphones while catching up on work emails on their iPad. Unfortunately, sources nearby indicated that you mistakenly assumed they wanted to talk.
In an embarrassingly cringe moment for all within proximity, you awkwardly continued babbling on: “I sure do hope it stays cool for my barbecue party this weeke — oops! Sorry, I didn’t realize you used one of those type-to-talk things, haha. I should just wait for you to say something … I mean, not ‘actually’ say something, right? Because you’re ‘in-spectrum’ and all that, it talks for you, yeah? Oh! Have you seen that dating with autism show, uh, ‘The Love Spectrum’? That can’t be right, what’s the name of that show? … Oh hey, the bus is here. FINALLY, right?!”
In a later conversation after you got distracted trying to solve today’s Wordle — much to the relief of everyone on the bus — Walker remarked politely and privately about your incessant blather even though no one would’ve blamed them for demanding you take several seats. “Nothing personal but this ain’t it, chief; I’m only here to get to work, and I’m behind on a lot of deadlines. I appreciate you trying, but honestly not interested in chatting today.”
As the other passengers, who thought this moment was over, looked on in horror, you couldn’t help yourself. When Walker got off the bus, you shouted, “Bye! It was nice to meet you! I hope you have a GREAT day!”
Assuming Walker would remember you positively, you thought to yourself, “I’m a good person,” immediately posted about it on Facebook without realizing how incredibly lame you are and openly expressed delight when your mom — and only your mom — liked your post.