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Look at This Rich Bitch Who Can Afford COBRA

AKRON, Ohio — A week after mass layoffs hit her employer’s corporate headquarters, Shelby Tripper received notice that she was eligible for COBRA coverage. “I had heard people talking about COBRA before and how much they hated it. I assumed it was a snake.”

Tripper was pleasantly surprised when she learned COBRA stands for Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act, a 1985 law that gives some workers the right to remain on their employer’s health insurance for 18 to 36 months after leaving their job. While this means workers can stay on their existing insurance plan, the employer is no longer picking any of the tab. Tripper is now one of the 15% of the unemployed population who pays the high price to keep her coverage.

“I recently turned 27, so I’m not on my parents’ insurance anymore. I barely got to use the company insurance before I was laid off. This is a great option, and I don’t have to search for new insurance!”

When asked, Tripper admitted she had never heard of Medicaid. Nor had she heard of the ACA, Obamacare or the healthcare marketplace. She also hadn’t heard of copays, deductibles, financial assistance, health savings accounts, pharmacies, coupons or disability insurance. Also (we asked because we were curious), she hadn’t heard of the “Hawk Tuah” girl either. When we asked if her doctors were in-network, she replied, “That Facebook movie? No, they mostly do indie films.”

We questioned how she could afford the $946 monthly premium without a job. “Well, my dad bought me my house, so my housing costs are minimal. And other than that, the weekly allowance he gives me goes pretty far.”

Despite having solid healthcare coverage, Tripper hadn’t been to a licensed physician in over six years. Instead, she used affirmations, manifestation and pilates to maintain her health. She did remember going to the dentist a year ago, but then she realized it was actually a teeth whitening technician at her friend’s Manhattan loft.

When we asked her about the manifestation, she stated simply, “Well, positive thinking can’t solve everything.”

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