Lincoln Bennet, 42, is your prototypical family man. He has a steady middle-class lifestyle, two kids and a wife who works a full-time job alongside him. With holiday season quickly approaching, the Bennets are excited to finalize their vacation plans. Lincoln, however, has been battling a severe phobia of flying for several years. And that’s seeming a lot more reasonable now, isn’t it?
“Well, how about that?” said Lincoln, regarding the current sorry state of the Federal Aviation Administration. “Wow, cutting the budget for the people who make sure it’s safe to fly might be making it less safe to fly!” continued the family patriarch, clearly gloating.
Lincoln’s wife, Kennedy, admits her husband may have a point, but she is not happy about it. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, flying is a little riskier now than it used to be. We get it! Lincoln’s never been so proud to have a debilitating phobia.”
Brothers Justin, 14, and Jackson, 12, are also irritated.
Said Justin, “Dad’s never been more annoying. We thought the panic attacks before trips in the past were insufferable, but that’s nothing compared to the joy he feels now!”
“What are we gonna do? Drive? Take a bus? Hell, no!” added Jackson.
The boys’ dad wants to reassure them that the family will probably still fly after all.
“Gotta get the gloating out of my system, but damn it feels good to be proven kind of right!”
He continued, “I know it doesn’t make sense to drag the whole family down with me, and hell, I’m not this scared every time I get in a car, though I probably should be. But hey, I figure if we do crash, I’ll be the calmest one on the plane!”