DAYTONA, Fla. — The National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing (NASCAR) debuted their new creation today, prompted by increasing global efforts of universal accessibility. Though the unveiling was well intentioned, perhaps some of us should just “stay in our lane.”
“I’m a car guy. I assumed that wheelchairs are the national symbol of disability. I didn’t fact-check that, since I’ve got more pressing matters: speeding, putting my foot on the gas, trying out new ways to say ‘start your engines,’” commented NASCAR CEO Jim Lane. “I don’t actually race professionally; I just go over the speed limit. This is Florida, so there are no laws. But, of course, fast cars should be for everyone. Wheelchairs are for disabled people. I put two and two together: a NASCAR Wheelchair.”
NASCAR cars all have V8 engines, which measure 358 cubic inches (5.87 L) and include up to 750 horsepower to reach speeds well over 200 mph. Famously, NASCAR cars do not have turbochargers.
For max speeds, the new NASCAR Wheelchair has both.
When asked what holds the wheelchair, engine and turbochargers together, Lane simply said, “Hot glue.”
“We assumed everything would work fine. Who needs testing when you have grit?” Lane continued. “We popped one of those babies directly into our biggest race of the season, the Daytona 500.”
The Daytona International Speedway has completely burned down, and all that remains … a sick-ass wheelchair.