DERRY, Maine — Local death clown Pennywise has emerged from his 27-year hibernation with a new sense of social consciousness and a determination to provide equal opportunity nightmare fuel. Following It’s participation in the ScareAbility course, an innovative anti-ableist training program for Halloween villains, Pennywise plans to abandon his signature red latex balloons in favor of latex-free balloons, which It says will allow an inclusive homicide experience for children with disabilities who were previously denied the opportunity due to a high incidence of severe latex allergy.
“A lot can be said about me,” mused Pennywise. “I may be bloodthirsty, I may be soulless, I may be terrifying, but you won’t catch me being ableist. Not after that training. Those kids deserve to be savagely murdered like their peers without fear of a deadly allergic reaction. They get excluded so often in life and I just want them to feel like they’re really part of the gang.”
The Alliance for Inclusive Halloween Horror (AIHH) applauded the move toward a disability-informed harbinger of doom, calling it “revolutionary” and “unbelievably thoughtful.” Said IAHH President Demonica McMaggot, “All kids deserve to feel special as they are lured toward an untimely death.”
Pennywise called the new balloons a vital tool in offering kids with disabilities maximum participation in their own deaths, noting that latex-induced anaphylaxis would “rob them of the chance to fully experience the deep terror of being eaten alive, piece by piece. It’s important to me that they get the chance to feel like normal kids.”
With a sly smile, Pennywise added that the latex-free balloons serve It’s interests too, as allowing a latex-related anaphylaxis death would be “rather anticlimactic.”
Pennywise will be offered additional funding by the AIHH for It’s annual cannibalistic spree, given the increased cost of the latex-free balloons. “Like most things for those wheelchair kids, these woke balloons are pricey,” muttered President McMaggot. “Can they stop with the expensive shit?”
Pennywise’s recent rendezvous into disability culture has It rethinking other aspects of the Halloween routine, including the consideration that taking the shape of a clown may not reflect a culturally competent approach to representing this community’s worst fears.
“I’m told if I’m to take the shape of that which they most fear, I really oughta appear as a Social Security office. It’s not quite as flashy as a clown, but I want them to feel seen. All kids deserve to have the unspeakable horrors lurking in the darkest corners of their minds reflected in the world.”
As he drags them to their demise in the sewers of Derry, Pennywise typically tells his victims that “we all float down here.” But the ScareAbility course has It exploring if this sentiment, too, demonstrates society’s pervasive failure to show concern for the needs of disabled people. “These kids are so weak, I think they’d just sink,” It sighed. “When I said we ALL float, I guess I meant most of us. Next year, I’ll order some water wings for the poor kids.”