Local woman Sydney Smith was enjoying a relaxing coffee date with a friend when the afternoon took a sudden turn for the worse. Her friend, Chloe Park, suggested they visit a cute indie bookstore a “quick and easy walk” from the cafe. Naively, Sydney agreed.
Little did she know her peaceful downtown outing would turn into her worst nightmare — a fast-paced, nonstop walk with no destination in sight.
“It was more of a sprint, really,” Smith reflected later from her couch, where she was still recuperating two days after the incident with a recovery diet of copious pain medication, food delivery and YouTube. “I haven’t been that exhausted since the fifth grade pacer test.”
Over the 42-minute journey, the friends traversed eleven intersections, climbed five cobblestone staircases, forded a river and answered a troll’s riddle. Every city crosswalk miraculously turned to WALK as they approached in order to prevent any rest time.
“I tried all my best subtle walk-stopping maneuvers,” Smith said. “I pointed out cool rare birds (random pigeons), pretended to get a call from my boss and finally stopped to tie my shoes. I was wearing Crocs, so by that point it was getting less subtle.”
Halfway through, she began to discard nonessential belongings from her backpack to shed weight, Oregon Trail style. Meanwhile, Park continued speed walking effortlessly in four-inch heels, holding an iced coffee and typing on her smartwatch.
“Yeah, I could’ve just explained myself and stopped walking,” Smith said. “But I tripled my weekly step count; my physical therapist is going to be ecstatic.”
By the time the duo arrived at the admittedly very cool bookstore, Smith was too exhausted to enjoy the aesthetic displays and zine collections. As she perused the shelves, breathing heavily and covered in sweat, Park called out from across the aisle, “Hey, they’re out of the new book I’m looking for. Do you want to head over to another bookstore? It’s a super quick walk …”