Looking to make a sustainable income by exploiting your flesh and blood? Look no further. Your allies at the Squeaky Wheel have compiled a list of the top five disabilities for family YouTubers’ kids to have in order to maximize views and profits. CHA-CHINGGGG!
5. Autism
Autism Moms rejoice! Etsy products galore! Thank God the puzzle piece is in the public domain! Artists are nothing without their fanbase. Autism has one built right in … to Facebook! These warriors are mothers who consider their child’s autism to be the worst thing that ever happened to them. Lucky for you, that means they’ll watch your content religiously! Bonus points if your kid is a white male, likes trains and sounds vaguely like Shaun Murphy from “The Good Doctor”!
4 – Non-speaking quadriplegia
Are you a fan of putting words in someone else’s mouth, just like my ex-boyfriend? Then this one’s for you! Making content is a piece of cake when you can mold it entirely to your will, allowing your child no freedom of speech. What’s the First Amendment when you have 1M subscribers?
3. Undiagnosed
Doctor’s appointment? Video. ER trip? Video. Kid missing school because they’re not feeling good? Video. Searching WebMD? Video. Asking Reddit for shitty advice? Video. The video opportunities are endless in your search for a diagnosis. Or, to take maximum advantage, never get a diagnosis … on purpose! Your child’s pain is another zero on the end of the number in your bank account.
2. Four kids hitting each disability category: physical, behavioral, developmental, sensory
One of each. The Ultimate Pity Party™. (Yes, we already trademarked it for you. You’re welcome!)
1. Wheelchair
Is “wheelchair” a disability? No. But guess what? Your audience doesn’t know that! For viewers, “wheelchair” is the international symbol of disability, so this is perfect for lazy family YouTuber content creators. You don’t even have to disclose what disability your child has — just upload a video of them looking vaguely disinterested in the camera, and you’re golden. Even if your kid isn’t disabled at all, stick ’em in a wheelchair and watch your life change forever!