Politics

RFK Jr. Opens Door for New Migraine Treatment: Lobotomies

RFK Jr. has come under fire since becoming secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) due to his policies, including eliminating the vaccine panel, attempting to catalog autistic people and banning the beloved food additive red 40. However, people are not acknowledging that he has opened the door for new approaches in healthcare. In a recent move to honor his dead aunt Rosemary, he has pushed for the use of lobotomies to treat migraines.

Migraine treatment is known to be iffy at best. Medications like sumatriptan can cause nausea and temperature dysregulation, or they can do nothing. In fact, taking too much migraine medication can give you a migraine. Some people turn to Cherry Coke or ear piercings, but those methods are only so effective. Only lobotomies attack migraines at the source.

RFK has described how his aunt “lived a long, peaceful life, devoid of disturbances like thinking and talking” and claimed that “everyone on the list deserves a lobotomy.” He refused to clarify what list he was talking about, but it’s safe to assume the migraine warrior community is included.

Some tried to point out that Rosemary was allegedly isolated from the Kennedy family, and it’s unlikely he knew her well enough to accurately describe her living conditions. But a migraine cure is more important than those random details.

With lobotomies on the horizon, hope remains for migraine sufferers everywhere, regardless of the risks. Sure, they might lose some motor control or abilities or whatever, but wouldn’t it be great to sit alone in a bright room instead of a dark one?

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