Santa Claus is requesting that Americans stop leaving cookies for him on Christmas Eve beginning this year. He has developed type 2 diabetes since the tradition started in the 1930s.
Claus, originally from the territory of modern-day Turkey, started gift-giving in the late 3rd to early 4th century AD as a monk named Nicholas. He quickly took to it as a vocation, eventually being recognized for sainthood and changing his name and attire to adapt to the shifting cultures and languages that celebrated Christmas.
For hundreds of years, he said, his active lifestyle and balanced diet kept him fit for work. Annual check-ins with his physicians showed consistently clean blood work, healthy vitals and properly functioning organs.
But that has changed. Starting in the Great Depression, American families encouraged their children to leave cookies for him, to teach them about showing gratitude for gifts they received during hard economic times. What started as an honest lesson about humility has since developed into a veritable empire of sweets, with Claus accepting spokesperson roles for sugar-laden products like Coca-Cola and a bevy of chocolate treats. Moreover, to keep up his festive image, Claus has even renovated his home with candy cane bearings, frosting adhesives and gingerbread walls.
He was first diagnosed with diabetes in the early 1990s but has kept it secret out of concern that it would have negative consequences for seasonal cheer and the Christmas economy. Privately, however, he has struggled to keep his A1C below 8% and reports almost daily blood sugar levels between 200 and 250 after meals.
He says it has jeopardized more than one Christmas, as excessive blood sugar levels caused him to experience dizziness and confusion during his gift delivery. In Christmas 2001, for example, he reported a high error rate on presents, mixing up Nintendo GameCube, PlayStation 2 and Microsoft Xbox consoles and games and delivering them to the wrong recipients. Familial relations and middle school friendships suffered as a result.
In lieu of cookies, Claus requests glucose monitors and metformin to help him monitor his health throughout the night. Should enough Americans oblige, he believes he should be able to fulfill his Christmas duties without incident.