The shopping season is in full swing, and you know every mall needs a Santa. Parents will take their kids to see him so the kids can ask for presents and have their picture taken. It’s a time-honored tradition. But you probably won’t see these five kinds of Santa when you’re out buying gifts this season.
Autism Santa:
Besides the sensory overload that comes from all the noise, noise, noise, noise and the itchy fake beard, this Santa would ruin the surprise by infodumping about your kid’s presents. Spoiler alert: Braxton isn’t getting that new Mario game; instead, it’s one of those kids’ almanacs that will end up being outdated in a couple years anyway.
Hard of Hearing Santa:
It’s a nonstop game of Mad Gab with this Santa. If little Timmy asks for something from Paw Patrol, he’ll get a “puppet roll,” whatever that is. Poor Ashleigh will get an actual buoy from the sea instead of Bluey. You’re better off handing Santa a list he can read.
AAC Santa:
The equipment this Santa uses costs a pretty penny, and no amount of Christmas magic can fix it if it breaks. Small kids and expensive equipment are a recipe for disaster. And no, you can’t use it to watch ‘Cocomelon,’ no matter how much it looks like a tablet.
Chronic Fatigue Santa:
No amount of caffeine will keep this Santa awake in his chair. Can you blame him? It takes a lot of effort just to get out of bed and do simple tasks, let alone do anything in a busy public place that requires him to be fully alert. Back to bed for Santa.
Colostomy Bag Santa:
This Santa has an extra sack in tow, and this one does not have presents inside. Some of the kids on Santa’s lap aren’t even potty-trained and are bound to have an accident. Best not to think about what happens if the bag should burst.
If, by chance, you do come across one of these Santas during your holiday shopping, please be patient with them.