NEW YORK CITY — A local woman with cerebral palsy has her hospital’s social media team shaking their heads after she turned down an invitation fro her surgeon, Dr. Hank Blusterman, to bungee jump with him just three days after a brutal spinal fusion. Instead, Sage Henderson, 30, plans to lounge in bed and tackle her opioid-induced constipation, a decision Dr. Blusterman called “basic” and “frankly, confusing.”
Social media manager Stacey Golden also lamented Henderson’s choice, calling it “inconsiderate toward the thousands of people who crave heartwarming stories about the differently abled.”
“Seeing these warriors overcome their challenges just helps others get through the day,” continued Golden. “Sage should consider that she can’t make this surgery all about her. It’s selfish, really.”
Henderson, who remains in the hospital where she’s been housing numerous mini cans of Shasta at a time, has left the public relations department scrambling for the feel-good content their followers have come to expect.
Communications specialist Fern Sunnyside mumbled, “This girl is making my job difficult. I know the incision isn’t healed yet, but can’t she jump, like, once or twice? Our Instagram crowd could use a quick reel to remind them that there’s no such thing as can’t.”
She added that Henderson “should be more like the girl in the wheelchair at my cousin’s boyfriend’s school” who, following a C5 spinal cord injury, levitated up a staircase using only a positive attitude and some crystals purchased from a viral wellness influencer.
With a long sigh, Sunnyside wondered aloud how Henderson’s refusal to bungee jump will impact the testimonials section on Dr. Blusterman’s website. “He was really relying on her for some uplifting photos,” she moaned. “I mean, what now? With her still in that wheelchair, the before and after shots will be basically the same. That’s, like, NOT gonna inspire others. And isn’t that what these people are for?”
Henderson, while bravely fighting the urge to pick at her Steri-Strips, is celebrating a different kind of postsurgical accomplishment: setting a record for fastest binge watch of “Love Island” in inpatient neuro unit history.
Social workers have arranged for her to “ring the bell” to mark the emotional occasion and honor her unbreakable spirit. Henderson’s mom, Laura, will be cheering her on, sharing that any bungee jumping adventure pales in comparison to her daughter’s courageous fight to finish all five seasons of the show with a speed that defies even her care team’s most optimistic predictions.
The proud mom declared, through tears, “Most people never meet their hero. I raised mine.”