SAN DIEGO — Kiki Richards, an executive employee at Big Tech Media Company, has an unlikely secret weapon for fighting back against prejudice in the office: the World’s Smallest Violin.
“People think I can’t play it because …” she commented, gesturing to her “World’s Sexiest Instrumentalist with Cerebral Palsy” shirt. (It was Casual Friday at the office.) She tells us that the World’s Smallest Violin is actually one of the most accessible instruments out there — its size means it requires minimal movement to play. Richards has been playing since she was two.
At work, people pity her because of her disability. Bringing her WSV into work is simply a no-brainer. “It’s like PEMDAS,” she told our news team. “Pity on top of pity cancels itself out. It was fun for the first week when I pretended it was just a decoration on my desk. I acted like I didn’t know how to play it. Then one day, after another ‘it must be so hard living like you do,’ I whipped out ‘Violin Concerto in D Minor’ by Sibelius.”
Now, in a delightful turn, her coworkers have started seeking out pity for themselves, wishing to hear Richards play them a song to acknowledge their “hardships.” “The salad is too crunchy.” “The complimentary coffee bar ran out of oat milk.” “My pilates class raised its prices.” “My oceanfront view isn’t close enough to the ocean.” Yada yada yada.
“It’s a nice change. My favorite complaint was, ‘My mother-in-law is from Jersey,’” Richards remembered, laughing. “I responded, ‘It must be so hard living like you do.’ Then I played her a song.”