When NASA announced plans to return men to the moon over a half-century after first landing them there, quadriplegics everywhere raised an eyebrow. “How are they able to do that? It’s mind boggling,” said Ethan Rodriguez, one quadriplegic we spoke to. “I mean, they haven’t even been able to build a hoist that can lift me off my chair in less time than it takes for me to learn the names of every single star in the night sky.”
Our panel of quadriplegics dependent upon full sling hoists shared their confusion, but Ben Anders was quick to add: “It must be because moving a person from one chair to another chair three feet away is far more complicated.”
Fiona O’Leary jumped in to say, “Whatever the reason, I just want time in my day to do something other than transfer. When I have to pee, it takes ages to get the sling on me, hook me up to the hoist, wait for the hoist to lift me, maneuver me to the bed, wait for the hoist to lower me, unhook me from the hoist, undo the sling, take down my pants, do up the sling, hook me up to the hoist, wait for the hoist to lift me, maneuver me to the commode —” We cut her off, because even hearing her describe the process takes too long.
“What I was trying to say was that as soon as they get me back in my wheelchair I have to pee again,” O’Leary said, huffing. “And don’t get me started on how much the sling hurts my legs and shoulders.”
“Yeah, those spacesuits look much more comfortable and way cooler,” Anders said.
“And I hear you can pee right in them,” O’Leary said excitedly.
We decided to end the panel there. When asked to comment, the CEO of the world’s largest hoist company said, “To be honest, we just don’t care.”