We all love it when able-bodied people refuse to say the word “disabled” out loud. Just like them, we feel squirmy and uncomfortable when we think about our weird bodies and brains. So here are seven of our favorite new things they’re calling us to make sure our experience is never acknowledged — just like we want!
- “Our resident ADA expert”
When someone addresses you this way during a work meeting with a knowing little grin, thank them for being someone who recognizes your expertise, instead of saying that “other” thing out loud.
- “Person with Alternative Movement Patterns”
Person-first language is so important, but sometimes it still lets people think about our terrible problems. So vaguely referring to a consequence of, ahem, —all that — is a great way to say it without saying it.
Popular alternatives: “Person experiencing differing capacities,” “Person paying high insurance premiums,” “Person with closer parking.”
- Cain (because you’re not Able)
It’s the best when someone is so unwilling to think about “you know what” that they immediately start making jokes about us and, on top of that, bring in religion!
- “[Name of your service dog]”
Our furry lil guys are the cutest stand-ins for our unmentionable troubles!
- “Funcoordinated”
A positive spin and wordplay? Yes, please!
Popular alternatives: “Chairiffic,” “Autastic,” “Chronically sick as Hell.”
- “Short Bus Kings”
It’s great how you can say “short king” and never say openly that a guy is too small to be a real man. That resonates with us, and we’re stoked you can now hide the reason guys who take the short bus are also not men.
- “Friend of Helen”
We are complete fangirls of Helen Keller, and we totally want to be her friend! Plus her various disabilities and symptoms mean the label can apply to people with a wide range of unspeakable abnormalities.
Popular alternative (until recently): “Homies with Hawking”
Whichever one of these phrases you encourage your non-disabled friends to use, the important thing is we all get to keep feeling that festering body shame deep in our medically interesting bones.