Happy holidays, crockpots! It’s your favorite home cook, Betty Jean, here. This week’s newsletter is dedicated to that special time of year when we’re all looking to spice up family dinners with incendiary new recipes. Now more than ever, it’s essential to make everything at home political, even the food. Here are some of my favorite recipe hacks.
Brighten a COVID shot with Tylenol
Like many families, you may have some extra COVID shots* lying around your household. These aren’t junk — they’re opportunities for nutritional value! Adding a shot of Tylenol or even Tylenol PM adds acidity, flavor and a little bit of that extra autism.
What I like to do is empty the vaccine into a bowl, mix in the Tylenol until incorporated then pour it back into the syringe. It’s a perfect appetizer for the whole family. Serve with alcohol pads.
*COVID shots can be substituted for flu shots, depending on your zip code.
Put a vintage spin on stuffing by adding old Medicaid brochure clippings
A question our family asks ourselves every holiday season is, “What government programs can we incorporate into our meals?” This year, it’s Medicaid. I took my classic stuffing recipe and added a little pizzazz.
Take old Medicaid brochure clippings, dice into bite-sized pieces, cover with a bit of olive oil and salt and roast in the oven for five minutes or until golden brown and noxious with the fumes of lost healthcare. Stir into stuffing and serve hot.
Chicken fingers, made with L.O.V.E.
My kids are typical kids: They don’t like any of Mom’s food. That’s why when I make them chicken fingers, I add a special concoction that I call L.O.V.E. It stands for the four greatest tools a cook has:
L: Leftovers, preferably expired and kind of “spicy.” Fermentation is the new fresh!
O: Ozempic (keeps the hubby slim).
V: Vaccines, a healthy and delicious seasoning for any meal. Use the recipe above!
E: E-currency: this is the new “edible gold flakes on the chocolate cake.” Add small QR codes to the sides of your plate that take you to your bank’s login page or even a link to buy cryptocurrency. This gives your eater a feeling of class and wealth.
Serve with room temperature ketchup.
Please enjoy, and don’t forget to bring up human rights at the dinner table!
Love,
Betty Jean
Mom, Entrepreneur, Chef, Private Citizen, Voting Rights Activist