‘Getting Struck by Lightning More Likely than Finding a Therapist in Insurance Plan,’ Says Depressed Man who Keeps Getting Struck by Lightning

“The odds of being struck by lightning are one in 15,300. Being struck twice? One in 9 million. And unfortunately, I was that lucky dude who got bolted twice,” said Greg Minson. “I wish I was just as lucky getting a therapist to help me cope with my PTSD!”

According to the Association of People Who Listen With Pen And Notepad, the odds of finding a therapist who accepts insurance and can fit you into their busy schedule before you resort to talking to a Wilson volleyball are nearly zero.

“Many therapists like myself don’t accept insurance because demand is so high,” explained a clinical psychologist who wished to remain anonymous. “I fill my slots with people who pay out of pocket, because I feel like it. But let’s say, hypothetically, you offered a $1,000 ‘donation’ for a 45-minute session, I may just be able to squeeze you in. I also like a fancy cabernet sauvignon and diamonds, in case anyone’s wondering.”

Minson, who sustained hearing loss, burns, seizures and depression from the double-bolt strike and can’t afford the out-of-pocket costs even with the extravagant amount of disability benefits he receives, has already checked off most of the boxes on the list of things least likely to happen to a person in their lifetime.

Last month he found a needle in a haystack and, the next day, a four-leaf clover. He caught a foul ball at a baseball game and has been bitten by a shark. “Recently, I bought a Mega Millions ticket, won the lottery, and then lost that winning ticket when a small hawk swooped down and snatched it out of my fingers,” said Minson. “The only improbable thing left to do is to find a therapist!”

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