Goodwill Raises Disabled Employee Wage from 7.25 to 15 (Cents per Hour)

Recognizing that the cost of living has risen drastically in recent years, Goodwill Industries has increased its hourly wages for disabled workers from 7.25 cents to a generous 15 cents per hour.

The nonprofit organization has frequently touted its employment, training and exploitation of disabled people. Now it has resolved to establish a barely living wage.

“It is the imperative of the company to ensure all our employees receive adequate compensation regardless of productivity,” reads a prepared statement from Goodwill. “We believe in equal mediocre pay for equal mediocre work.”

The new 15-cent rate places Goodwill’s wages far above the sub-minimum wage. This will greatly enhance disabled employees’ quality of life and help fund luxuries such as rent, food and water.

“I was scraping by on the old wages,” said an anonymous current employee with ataxia, hands shaking as they buttoned up a shirt on the clothing rack. “The extra seven-and-three-quarters cents will really help me. As long as it doesn’t interfere with the social security cap.”

Goodwill hopes the raise will empower its workers, but more importantly it hopes to improve its own image. In order to compensate for the financial hit this policy will cause, the CEO has agreed to a meager $5000 annual salary raise. 

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