Hospital Uses New Funding for First-of-Its-Kind PediaSure Freestyle Machine

The patients at the new Bezos-Epstein Health Center for People in Need may be in need, but at least they’re not thirsty. After receiving a generous $35 million donation (tax deductible) from a rich man who was recently visited by three ghosts, the hospital and part-time Amazon fulfillment center developed the world’s first PediaSure Freestyle machine.

With childhood classics like Chocolate, Vanilla and Strawberry, and new flavors including Tropical Pineapple, Caramel Latte, Cool Ranch Dorito and Gray/Beige, the device allows malnourished plebeians patients to mix and match over 350 unique flavor combinations. Users can even choose from mild, medium and intense levels of metallic-tasting syrup.

One hospital administrator told us, “A common complaint we hear from patients is that hospital food just isn’t that tasty. With PediaSure Freestyle, we no longer even need to offer solid food, allowing patients to customize their own nutrient-packed sustenance smoothies, with or without pulp.”

According to another administrator, the PediaSure Freestyle machine is just the first of many innovative solutions the medical center is developing. “For example, we often hear that healthcare costs are unaffordable, but with our new LifeAd+ television platform, patients can pay off their medical bills one dollar at a time by watching four-minute-long sponsored content videos on their bedside televisions.”

When asked where the rest of the multimillion-dollar funding package was going, the two administrators replied in unison: “administrative costs.”

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: