How to Pee Your Pants ‘Ironically’

Irony is everywhere these days, but that doesn’t mean everyone gets it right. This article can help you transform your chronic health condition into something trendy.

Eugene Forest and Astrid Cali are disabled influencers skilled in the art of irony — and the art of pissing their pants. They shared tips on how the approximately 300 million adults globally who have urinary incontinence can open the floodgates to a golden opportunity.

Cali, who sported a mullet and bedazzled Crocs, explained how useful the new trend can be. “People may accuse you of just straight up peeing your pants. To communicate that you’re in on the joke, use Adam Sandler’s line, ‘It’s cool to pee your pants,’ from the ’90s flick ‘Billy Madison.’ I haven’t seen it in a decade or two, but it probably has aged well.”

Forest adjusted his 1970s sex offender-style glasses and agreed. “Yeah. A strong pop culture anchor can explain away a surprising amount of wizz, but if anyone questions you, just quote some Hall & Oates or Michael Bolton lyrics to demonstrate that your pee-soaked trousers are part of a larger philosophy of irony that you live by.”

They also recommended subtle accessories, like wearing a T-shirt that says “It’s ironic urine not pee” or drinking Nescafé Gold. 

Forest ended the conversation with some words of wisdom. “Above all, you just need to have unbridled arrogance to pull off this trend. Act like you don’t need approval, a job or health insurance.”  

This article is the first in an ongoing irony series. In our next installment, learn how to live with your parents … ironically. 

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