Manager who ‘Knows a Faker When She Sees One’ Hired to Test for COVID on Sight

“Clear. Clear. Infected. Clear.”

Seeing Margery Flann at work is quite a sight. Standing at the entrance to insurance firm Gamble & Wynn’s London office, she watches employees make their way inside and calls out their medical status. Scouted after firing a disabled employee who “was just lazy, I reckon,” she was immediately tapped by management to put her incredible diagnostic powers to work. Flann’s ability to diagnose acutely specific medical conditions on sight in a matter of seconds has helped to alleviate the time constraints of COVID-19 testing and isolation.

“He didn’t have any weird gross bits you see on a lot of ‘em,” Flann says of the fired employee. “I mean, no one uses a wheelchair if they’re not paralysed. Except my mum. And dad.” When asked about the source of her diagnostic abilities, she smiles, saying, “I have no idea! My whole life I just knew it. I remember hiding Tracy Jensen’s inhaler in middle school, and she didn’t even die or nothin’. Got a few days off school though, lucky beggar. But from that point on, I knew I was special.”

“We’re incredibly lucky to have her,” says Jeremy Gamble, CEO of Gamble & Wynn. “We’re not saving time per se, as we weren’t testing or isolating employees anyway, but now we’re not getting in trouble for it anymore, so that’s a load off.” On the future of expanding this practice, he went on to say, “I’m sure there are thousands of people across the country who can just look at someone and immediately judge their medical status. We have to put these abilities to use, protecting our employees. Unless they’re pretending to be at high risk for the virus of course, because Margery says they’re probably saying that for attention or something.”

Flann has reached out to others who may possess the same keen ability. “You have to trust your gut, because I’ve found evidence doesn’t back it up very well.”

In a shocking turn, Gamble & Wynn’s London office was hit by an outbreak of COVID-19 in the days following this interview. The company is currently reviewing its testing policy, while Flann, pressed for comment, said, “They’re (dry cough) — they’re probably just faking.” 

We reached out to the disabled employee fired by Flann for his opinion on his firing and the subsequent outbreak. He commented, “Weird. It’s almost like all the important organs are on the inside.”

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