‘No More Wasting Public Money!’ Tweets Politician via Smartphone Claimed on Expenses

“It’s gotten a lot of backlash, but you have to take a stance,” declares Member of Parliament Marion Skabbe as she bites into her roasted cannon and maple rib of lamb (£33.25) in the House of Commons private dining restaurant. When The Squeaky Wheel had the opportunity to interview her, we leapt at the chance.

Last Tuesday she defiantly tweeted, “Disabled people have been wasting public money for too long. No more! – Twitter for iPhone”

When asked about the irony of tweeting that via a smartphone claimed as a government expense, she responds, “I need that for my job! I can’t be expected to spend my own money, can I?”

Skabbe is the definition of a self-made woman. Born with only a £15,000,000 personal trust, she cunningly used interest to make millions more simply by existing. “It wasn’t easy,” she sighs, popping in another forkful of smoked garlic risotto. “Mummy and Daddy could easily have deposited three times that, but they wanted me to work hard and be a self-made woman.”

Skabbe attributes her wealth to being “a neat little saver,” mainly by making creative use of the government’s expenses system. “Coffee machines, second homes, hardcore pornography — the system is very pliable, if you’ve got the talent,” she winks, wiping a dribble of truffle oil from her chin. “You can even claim childcare. God knows I’m not going to do it.”

Skabbe stunned us when we asked if she thinks the government is responsible for keeping people alive, even if they have no labor value. “They don’t need to drain the state,” she chuckles. “They can rely on their friends for money. My chums in the property market rely on my help all the time.”

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