“Don’t worry covids only killing the old and vulnerable. We’ll be fineee.” It was a simple tweet meant to reassure her followers, but it turned Jennii Smarm’s brand into an international sensation. Smarm is a ‘lifestyle Influencer’ whose content features her visiting a variety of beautiful locations she fails to appreciate. “Sunny fields, Tuscan villas, the Holocaust Museum — so many places are such a great backdrop to my selfies.”
But after the success of her pandemic tweets, investors have flocked to Smarm in an effort to promote their own brands. “Roxxoff Oil Co., Heike Real Estate, and kind old Herr Sturmfrönt from — well, I don’t know what business he’s in, but he’s such a big fan!”
Multiple investors, all primed to lose money during the pandemic, have been backing dozens of influencers currently railing against life-saving lockdowns. After Theo Ninny posted, “sure loadsa vulnerable will die, its wat they do, rite? I need my mocha frappuccino irl dammit,” he too was funded by the same backers. “It’s hit influencers hard,” Ninny said. “Not in the way we’ll like die or anything, but we just can’t go out anywhere. Fans need a good background when they’re staring at my face.”
But Smarm, Ninny and many other influencers whose presence has grown following this funding injection have received pushback from disabled fans they didn’t realise they had. “Well, it upset me at first,” Smarm said. “When the clinically vulnerable started dying it was a real blow. Y’know, to my likes. I never thought a global pandemic would affect me. But then I realised they don’t bring in as much money as, like, normal fans, so I managed to struggle on with 1.8 million followers.”
Haven’t laughed this hard in awhile. Brilliant work.