Use the SoundPrint™ App to Find Quiet Restaurants in Your Area (Where All the Hot People with Sensory Issues Hang Out)

Tired of getting dressed up all nice to hit the newest bar in town, only to realize it is so loud that you can hardly hear your own inner monologue complaining about the volume? Download SoundPrint™, a new mobile app that uses crowdsourced noise data to score restaurants and other venues on their loudness.

While SoundPrint™ is great for finding a nice, quiet spot for a casual dinner with friends, it also has a secret second use: finding hotties with sensory issues. Everyone knows that people with sensory issues are extremely likely to be hot, but it can be really difficult to find them in the chaotic environments of loud bars and burger joints. 

“I used to always end up at crowded pubs full of nothing but ableds with perfect hearing,” complained current user Mike. “Now, with SoundPrint, I can find that oddly silent pizza place where I might meet the disabled cutie of my dreams!”

Or maybe you are deaf actress Millicent Simmonds’ character in “A Quiet Place” and you need to find a lunch spot. Do you know how hard it is to find a restaurant that can accommodate John Krasinski’s need for extra leg room AND is quiet enough to be safe from noise-triggered alien monsters?

Another disabled user, Madaline, enjoys the app for a different reason: “Due to my weak lungs I have a very low speaking voice, which means most of my first dates spend the night just staring at my bangin’ bod without hearing anything I’m actually saying.” Madaline briefly posed to show off the bod in question. “But now that I take my men to quiet cafes, they can actually hear my interesting anecdotes and playful humor … while still admiring my body, of course.”

Whatever the reason (and trust us, some people have WEIRD ones), SoundPrint™ can help you find your quiet place.

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