A groundbreaking new study on the human body is reshaping the landscape of modern medicine. The prestigious medical research institute Money Wasted on Objectively Obvious Observations (MWOOOO) has confirmed that skin and exterior surfaces make up approximately 15% of the human body, while the remaining 85% consists of everything else on the inside.
Additionally, MWOOOO compared the participants’ bodies’ outsides to their insides and determined that how their insides functioned did not directly correlate with whether their outsides were found to be attractive to others. The study concluded that a person’s “hotness” is not a reliable indicator of health.
“This is a breakthrough for physically attractive chronically ill people, especially all types of women, AFABs, and femmes,” said Mei Chao, lead researcher at MWOOOO. “This discovery paves the way for a highly underdiagnosed and untreated population to finally receive urgently needed medical care instead of being told how good they look, diagnosed with ‘anxiety,’ and referred to psychiatry.”
Chao said more research is still needed to fully understand how bodies work, noting that “science and medicine are always evolving, and we clearly don’t know everything.” She also emphasized the need for more advanced diagnostic tools and medical professionals with adequate training on more types of bodies in order to determine what in the fresh hell is actually going on inside them.
“The challenge in medicine is keeping experienced professionals up to date on new scientific discoveries,” said Skyler Rami, executive director of the public health nonprofit Sick Not Ugly. The organization has begun distributing informational pamphlets to older white cisgender male physicians to help them integrate these findings into their practice. “The pamphlet explains to doctors that even if they think their patients are feminine, fertile, and/or fuckable, it doesn’t mean they don’t also desperately require medical attention,” Rami said.
Esther Greenberg, a self-described “professional patient” with hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and 30 comorbid diagnoses that keep her in and out of doctors’ offices almost daily, was less diplomatic. “I don’t understand what’s so hard to grasp. Primary care doctors are usually internal medicine doctors. It’s literally in the name.”