Amazon Celebrates Disability Employment Awareness Month by Giving Employees Disabilities

Some companies make cute Instagram posts, and others pay veterans to give motivational speeches. Global internet company and future U.S. government branch Amazon, however, is taking a more direct approach.

Initially, the retailer’s plan for National Disability Employment Awareness Month was to hire more disabled people, a plan that was not particularly unexpected but nonetheless seemed reasonable. That is, until Amazon founder Jeff Bezos realized there was a far more cost-effective alternative.

“Why go out and get disabled people when we can just make our own?” he said. As his employees looked confused, the part-time astronaut explained further: “Disabilities are like billion-dollar businesses. A lot of people are just born with them, but other times, someone gives one to you.”

Amazon employs almost 1 million people in the United States, many of whom work in its warehouses. A large portion of these employees experience severe working conditions including long hours, difficult physical labor and unsafe processes. These conditions can lead to injuries and chronic health problems that ultimately result in permanent disabilities.

“Isn’t that neat?” said Bezos as he stroked his fluffy white cat. “We make all kinds of shit at Amazon. But who would’ve thought we made our own disabilities in-house?”

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