Disabled Office Worker Who Was Told She Would Never Be Productive Member of Society Has No Idea What Her Job Actually Accomplishes

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — 30-year-old Diane Cortez, who has muscular dystrophy, grew up assuming that she would never have a job unless it involved menial labor. But she recently realized that her office job probably doesn’t meaningfully contribute anything to society.

She completed her bachelor’s degree in communications with a 4.0 GPA and got a full-time job at a consulting firm.

“Nobody even thought I would go to college,” bragged Cortez, mindlessly scrolling on her desktop computer. “I proved society wrong and made something of my life.”

She described her typical day: “I, uh, attend meetings, fill out spreadsheets and …” Cortez paused. “Answer emails?”

Cortez performs the same two hours of work in the standard 9-to-5 workday as her able-bodied peers.

“Everyone is impressed with her,” said coworker Paul Dalton, spinning lazily in his office chair. “Nobody has any different expectations for her anymore.”

When asked what the company does overall, Cortez could only repeat buzzwords like “foster innovation,” “provide value” and “create synergy.”

“Honestly, I have no idea,” she admitted. “You’d have to talk to my supervisor. I can transfer you, if you want.”

After that, Cortez decided she had pretended to do enough work for the day and left early.

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