Front Man Pledges to Support Disability Inclusion by Swapping Stairs for Ramps, Launching ‘Parasquid Games’

Known for his distinct principles of equality and fairness, Squid Game’s “Front Man” supports disability inclusion in future rounds of his competition. After questions from disabled fans, the infamous leader posted a thoughtful screenshot from his notes app to Instagram yesterday.

“It has recently been brought to my attention that the Squid Games may not be as fair as we claim they are, and that they unjustly disadvantage one of the world’s most oppressed groups: disabled people. The primary theme of our competition is that no matter who you are, you have an equal chance to win. Because of the inaccessible venue and highly physical games, people with physical disabilities do not have this equal chance.”

Later in the self-reflective statement, he promised that the iconic colorful staircases from his arena will be replaced with equally colorful ramps. “Starting with next year’s contest, the entire building will be renovated to become ADA compliant. All staircases will be replaced with ramps, elevators will be installed and ASL interpreters will be available for those who wish to use them. If found at the time of kidnapping, service animals will be kidnapped alongside their disabled owners. In addition, each player will have an opportunity to disclose their disability in advance and request reasonable accommodations.”

The sudden inclusion and game changes were a pleasant surprise to wishful disabled participants, who are more likely than their nondisabled peers to face medical debt, poverty, food insecurity and bankruptcy. The games provide them an opportunity to escape the sharp claws of capitalism by risking their lives for the enormous prize. 

“Do you know what kind of assistive technology I could buy with 45 billion won?” said one aspiring disabled player.

As a gesture of goodwill, the Front Man also announced he will be launching a one-time-only contest exclusively for disabled players. The “Parasquid Games” will take place next year, he said, “alongside the traditional competition.” The event promises to transport a few lucky disabled people to a life of luxury, and transport many unlucky ones “elsewhere.”

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