Jigsaw Faces ADA Lawsuit Over Inaccessible Traps

A new Americans with Disabilities Act lawsuit has been filed against Mr. John “Jigsaw” Kramer, alleging that his torture traps do not meet the necessary requirements to fulfill the law’s accessibility guidelines.

“Jigsaw has been at large for years and has made no attempt to alter his traps to include everyone,” said Michael Perkins, a paralyzed man who believes he needs to mutilate himself to better appreciate his life. “It is unfair that he can’t even widen the torture devices a little to fit a wheelchair.”

“A disabled man who does not value his life does not need more pain to appreciate it, for any pain I could inflict is inconsequential to the pain he has already endured,” rambled Jigsaw philosophically. His incoherent screed continued for several minutes.

“I had 60 seconds to slice open a man’s stomach, retrieve a key and unlock a reverse bear trap before it tore my jaw off,” recalled apprentice Amanda Young, two-time survivor of Jigsaw’s tests. “If I had fine motor difficulties, I might have had trouble with the lock.”

The disability community has a long history of scrutinizing Jigsaw. Some believe his history with cancer should have made him more understanding of the need for accommodations. Others have questioned him carving the symbol of the controversial organization Autism Speaks into his victims’ flesh.

In response to the allegations, Jigsaw promised to make an effort to be more inclusive. He was last seen in his workshop welding barbed wire to the hand rims of a manual wheelchair.

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