CutCorp has released a new line of adaptive kitchen knives for chopping vegetables, shredding meats and offing husbands.
Whether it is premeditated or spur of the moment, murdering husbands has never been more accessible thanks to the knives’ increased-diameter handles. Plus, the no-slip grips prevent those annoying moments when disabled women might drop their knives while attempting to plunge them into their spouses’ backs.
“I’ve been delaying my husband’s murder for years because I didn’t think I could do it with normal knives,” said 42-year-old Sarah Youngston, who lives with ataxic cerebral palsy, as she checked her husband’s will. “Now I feel confident and empowered with these adaptive knives.”
A standard set includes a rocker knife for meat and vegetables, a serrated knife for bread and a cleaver for human flesh and sinew.
“Our mission is to extend the opportunities for spousal homicide to women of all different abilities,” said CutCorp, emphasizing that this is in no way part of a pyramid scheme. “We understand that sometimes marriage is difficult and hope to provide more value to our disabled, married customers.”
The instruments are dishwasher safe, which makes cleaning incriminating bloodstains a breeze. The knife set sells for $1499.99 with insurance options for covering legal fees.
I wonder what other adaptive kitchen equipment can be turned to murderous purposes?
[accidentally or deliberately?]