In a medical science breakthrough that could be profoundly helpful for people who are consistently in excruciating goddamn pain all the f***ing time, a new study from Harvard Medical School has confirmed that using a wheelchair is highly preferable to immobilizing pain.
“It turns out that sitting down to move and letting yourself take the rest you deserve is better for your health than just putting up with whatever terrible crisis happens to your body without attempting to mitigate it! Who knew?” shared physician Dr. Tim Goldberg.
The methodology of the study was remarkable.
It consisted of finding a sizable sample of chronic pain sufferers who don’t use wheelchairs, and — get this — giving them wheelchairs. In most cases, participants felt substantially better, and also embarrassed at not having tried wheelchair use much, much sooner.
“Jeez, I must hate thinking!” exclaimed an anonymous participant.
“Sitting down! That’s it! Just sitting down. That’s all I had to do!” said another.
“It’s clear that allowing muscles and bones to rest and relax is crucial to reducing the effects of chronic pain. And like, yeah. Of course.” remarked osteopath Dr. Kimberly Pratt.
At press time, many of the participants had agreed to take place in a similar study to determine whether being able to move improves quality of life as compared to not being able to move.