Today, there are more home security options than ever — but most will only record someone breaking into your home, not actually discourage them. Your knickknacks deserve better. Meet the new gold standard in home protection: This Woman with Insomnia™.
This Woman with Insomnia™ wanders throughout your house all night, turning lights on and off. Every time she enters a room, her patented fugue state is activated, and she forgets why she went in there in the first place.
Her constant, unpredictable movement thwarts any would-be intruders, and you can rest comfortably with her incurable alertness and our parts-only warranty.
This Woman with Insomnia™ works during the day as well. Simply plug her into the cat nap charger at 6:30 a.m. for a tight 45. By 7:15 a.m. she’ll be back to stumbling around your house like an oversized Roomba®.
Worried someone could sabotage this human guard dog? Not on her watch. We guarantee nothing will induce sleep in This Woman with Insomnia™. She has an elephant’s tolerance to melatonin, Ambien, and black tar heroin.
The only real danger? She’ll feel like part of the family — so leave her some baked goods! She’ll eat them anyway.