‘All Durable Medical Equipment Must Be Purchased from Dollar General,’ Says GOP

The House GOP has presented legislation proposing that all durable medical equipment should be purchased from their preferred vendor, Dollar General. This is in an effort to reduce spending following a heated congressional session debating if the military needed a $600 million budget increase to install backup cameras on all Army tank vehicles. House Minority Leader and Dollar General board member Kevin McCarthy, R-Calif., concluded the proposal by saying, “Dollar General is a great partner for the United States Department of Health and Human Services not only because everything costs a dollar, but also because we firmly believe that it is our constitutional duty to support the troops and, well, he’s a general.”

Durable medical equipment is a term that encompasses devices used to assist disabled people and includes items such as ventilators, walkers, crutches, respiratory machines and oxygen tanks. This equipment can cost thousands of dollars and is often vital to the health and safety of those who use it.

Dollar General is new to the space and will be debuting their first line of medical products with the upcoming ad campaign, “Spend Less, Because Less is More.” Included in this product line are “NoodleLegs,” a long neon-orange pool noodle bent in the shape of a pair of crutches, and the “AquaVent,” a portable battery-operated fan with attached swim goggles and a nosepiece.

A spokesperson for Dollar General commented, “Disabled people are disproportionately subject to extreme levels of poverty, and so they are some of our favorite customers. We decided to enter the medical equipment space when we realized how much money was being spent on items that we felt were overpriced or altogether unnecessary. For example, respiratory patients traditionally spend hundreds of dollars on oxygen tanks, but here at Dollar General we have free oxygen floating throughout the air that any customer is welcome to inhale.”

When asked if they were confident that their durable medical equipment would be high quality and long-lasting, they replied, “Wait, it’s not disposable medical equipment?”

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: