Local Director of Special Services Dr. Ted Konick made an executive decision today concerning rising freshman Will Shott’s schedule for the upcoming transition into high school.
Noting that Phys Ed took up the same slot as Sex Ed for the incoming freshman, Konick opted to not solve the discrepancy. Having already determined that Shott cannot possibly manage mainstream physical education requirements, Konick has also decided to exempt Shott from the freshman sexual education curriculum, figuring, “What’s he gonna need it for?”
Shott, one of only three physically-disabled students mainstreamed into the public school district, is bracing himself for the possibility that he may become even more ostracized than before, especially since the superintendent already forbade Shott’s longtime paraprofessional from following him to high school in favor of an inside hire.
“I guess they want to leave me as unattended and ill-equipped as they can,” grumbled the teen.
Squeaky Wheel reporters managed to reach Konick for comment:
“Look,” he began. “I feel bad for the kid, but let’s be realistic for a second. Do you think this kid is ever getting laid? Be honest!”
With a nervous chuckle, Konick regrettably kept talking: “I mean, do you really think kids like him need to know that kind of stuff? What are they going to do with it?”
For now, Schott’s sexual education will be limited to visiting unprintable websites on Konick’s laptop, which he leaves unsecured.