The Bank of “America” isn’t wishing anyone a happy Disability Pride Month, and we don’t want them to! People like them come to the party only when it’s safe to do so, then make it stale with their cheap politics and basic vibes. Get off our lawn, stay on your side of the tracks, don’t come near our festivities, and keep our diagnoses out of your promotional advertising!
Google isn’t sponsoring any disability pride parades, and that’s how it should be! They do some seriously demented things, and no half-assed appeals to disability inclusion should soften your view of how weird they are. While we’re here, don’t give us any tacky-ass search engine graphics!
The Pentagon isn’t deploying any aircrafts painted in disability themes like those pink fighter jets they have for Pride — the military remains strictly in the business of creating disability, not dignifying it. And that’s not good, but also: GOOD.
If Facebook prompts you to wish others a happy Disability Pride Month, say, “Eat my ass, Facebook.”
Any politician hoping to hang with us will have to first submit a request for accommodations stating the past 20 years of their record on funding disability benefits and community-integrated services, along with a full list of prescriptions taken, current bank statements, rent or mortgage receipts, list of assets of everyone in their household, their spouse’s maiden and first marriage names, ConEd bills, medical records from before they were 18, birth certificate, social security card, child’s favorite hobbies and what schools they are applying to, driver’s license or state ID, most-searched porn terms, biggest life regret, and other arbitrary documents decided at the whim of our administrators.
If they have more than $2,000, they can enroll in a monthly spenddown program to pay for our bad habits and vacations until they are under $2,000. Then…maybe they’ll be invited. We’ll let them know in about six or sixty months.