Gen Zers are more afraid than previous generations to date people without mental illness, according to a new Squeaky Wheel survey. Squeaky solicited anonymous responses from Gen Zers without mental illness and found dating experiences marred by social anxieties, rejection, lack of reciprocal communication, and generally isolating or ‘othering’ behavior.
Respondents report dating often goes well until a moment of disclosure arrives, which triggers stigmatizing reactions. They cite difficulty sharing life narratives that rely on a lack of trauma, a revelation that makes others feel uncomfortable if not unsafe.
“It’s like you talk about your family, interests, studies, job, and get to the present — and there was nothing that seriously messed you up along the way. In that moment, you see their eyes widen with fear and you wonder if they’re thinking, ‘my god, what is this person going to do to me?’ Then they nervously try to change the topic as quickly as they can.”
Respondents report it is common to “mask” through casual narrative bending, such as exaggerating how toxic an ex-partner was and the lasting attachment problems it caused. “Even if not in therapy, I think it’s always safer to talk about having a therapist.”
Unwanted disclosure is also common. “I saw this guy a few times, and one night we went back to my place. He used my bathroom, and when he came back he had this very distant, protective look about him. He goes, ‘I didn’t see psych meds in your cabinet.’ I’m like, ‘yea, because I’m not on them.’ That didn’t help anything. The rest of the night he was kind of tense, and eventually he left and never messaged me again.”
Gen Zers without mental illness overall said they want the same things everyone else does: companionship, connection, understanding, support and love. “Being so undamaged, it’s easy to start believing that you’re basically unworthy of those things,” explained one mentally well teen.
“But you can’t let it affect you. You must remind yourself: It’s okay to be okay.”