Graduating Class Will Always Remember Valedictorian’s Speech Impediment

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — As they waited for their graduation ceremony, the senior class at Rosemont High School vowed never to forget their valedictorian Aidan Persic’s speech impediment.

His close-knit friend group will inevitably dissolve as they go to different colleges, but everyone will recall his iconic stutter.

“Someone will probably bring up his name in ten years and I’ll remember the way he pronounced ‘cosecant’ in second period math class in tenth grade,” said Madison Boseman fondly. “Then I might remember what he looked like.”

The bullies who mocked Persic in middle school feel confident that they’ll still be able to replicate his voice years in the future. Other students believe they’ll still refer to verbal misunderstandings as “Aidan moments.”

 “He asked me to the prom and I didn’t even know at first. I had to ask him to repeat himself,” reminisced Jessica Zimmerman. “The prom went okay, I think. I don’t remember much about it.”

As the graduation ceremony began, the class eagerly anticipated how Persic would bungle his speech.

“Grades, clubs and friends are temporary,” said Zimmerman solemnly. “Speech impediments are forever.”

At least if his peers forget his face, they can always refer to his senior yearbook photo captioned with Charlie Kaufman’s famous quote: “Constantly talking isn’t necessarily communicating.”

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