SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Ryan Logan often has severe leg spasms, which cause such extreme pain that no traditional medicines can even take the edge off. The only thing that gives him relief is a well-rolled joint. Unfortunately his caregivers’ skills are more your grandma than Snoop Dogg.
Logan has two caregivers, and neither knows what they’re doing when it comes to giving him the pain relief he desperately needs. He often sits in his La-Z-Boy in pure agony simply because he couldn’t find any potheads interested in working for him.
“I should’ve put it in the job listing, and I’ve learned for next time. The problem right now is, I don’t want to fire either of my current caregivers because they’re amazing in every other way except this one. Didn’t they go to high school?”
Logan has reduced lung capacity as a result of his quadriplegia, and his main caregiver rolls joints so tight he can’t suck hard enough to get the effects. His weekend caregiver’s joints always canoe, again making pain relief so close yet so far. The weekend carer is also addicted to caffeine and refuses to use the coffee grinder because he doesn’t want to clean it all the time. Instead he has the audacity to use scissors to prepare the weed. And he wonders why he doesn’t get an even burn.
When asked if a bong would be easier, Logan told us the pain relief doesn’t last long enough. Besides, he wants a spliff, and if he wants a spliff he should get a spliff. “What, I can’t move so I should have to compromise my wants and suffer more pain as a result? I compromise enough because I’m a quadriplegic; all I want is a freshly rolled doobie to take the pain away. Is that so much to ask?”
Logan is currently campaigning to make joint rolling part of the caregiver certification curriculum.