Quiz: Which Medical Payment Plan Are You?

You’re at the doctor’s office after a quick checkup. The receptionist has just show you your patient responsibility: The number is astronomical. You know you don’t want to overdraft your bank account AGAIN – so what payment plan do you choose?

Take our quiz and find out!

Question 1: Your cute date asks what you do for work. What do you say?

1. A little bit of this, a little bit of that…
2. I make missiles (but the ones that only hurt bad people, obviously).
3. $80,000 a year to send messages on Microsoft Teams. It’s a hard job, but someone’s gotta do it.
4. [In Vin Diesel voice] Family.

Question 2: You exit the MRI machine, and the technician presents you with an iPad and says he takes tips. Do you:

1. Tip 20%. Service workers are the backbone of our economy.
2. Pick the 20% tip option, wait for him to look away, and then go back and change it to 5%.
3. Scream “WHAT DID YOU SAY?!” as if the MRI machine is still running; then quickly exit.
4. Give the technician the iPad you brought from home and ask HIM for a tip.

Question 3: Your landlord asks for next month’s rent in the sum of $1000. What do you say to him?

1. Sorry, you’re out of network.
2. I don’t have $1000, but I can pay you with something even more valuable: my poetry.
3. Can I give you half now and then avoid you for the next two months while I struggle with getting the other half?
4. [Guttural Animal Noises]

Question 4: You told your friend at lunch that the meal would be “on me,” but you didn’t bring your wallet. The waiter gives you the bill. How do you proceed?

1. Pay with a smile and a delicate fist bump.
2. Ask the table next to you if you can borrow any of their daddy’s money.
3. Yell “Groupon!”, grab your friend, and disappear into a smoke bomb of coupons.
4. Ask your friend if they can get the bill, say “I’ll get the next one,” and leave knowing you’ll never see your friend again.

Question 5: You’re at an estate sale auction. A hotter, more successful disabled person sits down next to you and tops your bid on the Limited Edition My Neighbor Totoro Reversible Satin Jacket you so desperately want. The price is now an unaffordable $500. What do you do?

1.  You didn’t come here to play games. Raise your bid: $500.01.
2. Dramatically point at this disabled individual, say “j’accuse!” and draw your sword.
3. Cry into your shirt that isn’t a Limited Edition My Neighbor Totoro Reversible Satin Jacket. There will be other Limited Edition My Neighbor Totoro Reversible Satin Jackets, you say to yourself unconvincingly.
4. Speak Spanish so fast and so fluently that the auctioneer has no choice but to give you the jacket.

View Your Results

Calculating…. Calculating….

Congratulations! You are a Quarterly Payment Plan. You have a low account balance, but you know how long a year is: 365 days! You’ve got to have more money in a year from now, right? Why wouldn’t you, given that your income is stable and your expenses are rising steadily…