If you ask Amy Danvers, there are certain guaranteed pleasures in life: cats making silly faces, the music of Josh Groban, and dinner. For the past thirteen years, Danvers has had macaroni and cheese for dinner and doesn’t plan to stop any time soon.
“Ever since I was a kid, I wanted it for dinner every day. My parents didn’t like that, so I had to eat foods with bad textures like broccoli, boiled carrots and grilled cheese sandwiches. But since I’m an adult and living on my own, they can’t tell me otherwise,” says Danvers.
Her pantry is stocked with a variety of boxed macaroni and cheese dinners. “It’s a mix of generic and brand name. I’m partial to Kraft myself, but, as I’ve learned over the years, there’s room for variety. The world is so chaotic these days that it’s nice to come home and have something simple and dependable. That’s why I love macaroni and cheese. As long as I have the meal in some form, I won’t complain.”
This adherence to routine has backfired a few times. “I’ve walked out on a few dates because the restaurant either didn’t have it on the menu or my date laughed at me when they looked at my collection. Food doesn’t mock you for your disability.”
Danvers has some recommendations to offer. “Don’t get Beecher’s frozen meal. It claims it serves two to four people, but I can eat that in one sitting because the container is so small. Also, they’re asking for $11 for one meal. I could get a six-pack of Blake’s Hard Cider for that price, and that’s a great cider. For something called ‘world’s best mac and cheese,’ it’s underwhelming. Also, the Cheetos brand is more of a novelty, and the colors the ‘cheese’ produces are something out of a Lisa Frank picture. Stouffer’s is okay but, as they said in their ’80s commercials, ‘People expect us to be better.’ That’s just telling on yourself.”
When asked how long this will continue, Danvers shrugs and says, “I guess it’ll stop when I’m tired of it. Then I’ll find something else and the whole process will start over.”
I feel this so hard.